Every year we come up with resolutions and it usually takes no longer than 3 weeks to completely disregard them. Some resolutions are easier than others. The following resolutions would be damn near impossible for us.
Pain Train's List
5. Spend more time “outdoors”
When you have free time you think about all the cool stuff you should be doing. Visions of hikes, camping, and runs fill your dreams and you run to the old computer to find out dates that will work. As soon as work starts up again and Saturday comes around the only hike I make is from the couch to the bathroom.
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4. Stop making fun of Kevin
Discretion is the better part of valor, except when Kevin put himself on a tee.
3. Call my family and friends more often
After seeing everybody at the Holidays, you pledge that you will make an effort to call and see them more often. You feel guilty for the connections you lost and your feigned interests when they are explaining their lives. You realize that a mere facebook wall post saying happy birthday will not suffice. But unfortunately, you find yourself in the same position come next holiday season.
2. Keep my room clean and organized
It will all start with the sudden epiphany that my room will stay clean if I coordinate my closet by color. It will all end three days later as I toss my work shirt to the ground with the thought “I will pick that up before I go to bed”.
1. Stop Gambling
I bet you I will stop
Kevin's List
5. Go to sleep earlier/wake up earlier
This is practically impossible because I have always been a night owl. In college, I tried to made sure all my classes were no earlier than 1, with most of them at 2:30 or 4. I had a few 11:15’s and on those days I felt like I was waking up at the crack of dawn. Now that I am working I am trying to make the transition into falling asleep at a decent hour, say between 10 and 11. It is a losing battle. Any progress I make during the week is quashed by staying up late on the weekends. I’m averaging about 1 am during the week.
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| This is what it feels like now |
4. Watch less TV
This is nice to try and promise myself. I can say something like “I can read more good books” or “I can go on nice walks around the state park that is a quarter mile away” But anyone that knows me knows that is just not going to happen. My house has 3 god damn tvs with DVRs mounted on our living room wall, so we never miss a game or show. For a psych class, they did an experiment where they asked people to tally up the amount of TV they watched a week, and their GPA. It came to no surprise that the higher GPA, the less TV was watched. My teacher did announce one outlier though. In a class of 200 people, he mentioned how one person watched 40 hours of TV a week but still had a 3.7 GPA last semester. That person? Yours truly. So, yeah, this resolution is not working out.
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| Our Room, Seriously |
3. Be less addicted to my phone
I am like a 14 year old girl when it comes to two things: My taste in music and my addiction/dependency to my cell phone. I am constantly texting, checking facebook, playing angry birds/helicopter, even reading the news. I have 3 separate email accounts linked up. I am also one of those tools that loves talking with a Bluetooth. When I forget my phone somewhere, I feel completely lost and empty.
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| I miss Angry Birds |
2. Eat more vegetables
I went 22 years without trying a salad. Whenever my parents would try and get me to eat carrots or broccoli, I would throw such a hissy fit that my parents eventually gave up. Too much effort. I only finally ate a salad when I was trying to convince an ex-gf I was a changed man. (I wasn’t) But I tricked her and we got back together. (silly girl) We eventually broke up and I haven’t really eaten a salad since. Whenever I am at a friend’s house or something and they serve salad on my plate I politely eat a leaf or two and kind of push it all around to look like I am eating. I have been told this is what anorexic girls do also. So actually I have 3 things in common with 14 year old girls.
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| No. Chance. |
1. Stop drinking 4 Loko
I know this drink is one of the worst things I could possibly put into my body. I might as well drink toxic waste. I would too, if toxic waste made me feel as awesome as Four Loko did. When the FDA was trying to ban Four Loko, I freaked out and bought over two dozen cans of my favorite flavor at two liquor stores down the street to stock up. I basically turned into Elaine from Seinfeld with the Sponge shortage. I now evaluate each drinking opportunity and think to myself “is tonight Four Loko worthy?” “Should I use up one of my precious Loko’s just to hang out, or are we going big tonight?” I have to be choosy. Black out in a can, baby!
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| Side Effects |
Tjack Attack
#5 To watch Glee with Kwoo (our roommate and fellow T5T participant)
Fox creates some great TV shows. Fox NFL Sunday, 24, In Living Color, The Cosby Show, That 70’s show, The Simpsons, and now...GLEE. Obviously the best creation by Fox to date.
Now seriously...this has got to be the worst television show ever. I watched a couple of the early episodes (I apologize for that momentary mind lapse); it became unbearable when the football team broke into a musical, as a trick play, to win a game. ARE YOU KIDDING ME!!! Secondly, it would mean spending more time with Kwoo (this is a lose lose situation). Not going to happen.
#4
To hate the Giants less
Fresh off their improbable playoff run and reaching the pinnacle of MLB, the San Francisco Giants are already preparing for the 2011 baseball season. It is difficult not to be attracted by a team that wins once every 50 years. Furthermore, their team colors are to die for (orange and black). Who wouldn’t want to look like a turd walking around the streets of San Francisco? Even after all of these obvious incentives, I have chosen to stay true to my Dodger Blue. GO DODGERS!!!
#3 To watch less sports
Ok now this is serious. Watching the amount of sports that I do can’t be good for you right? I don’t think we are over doing it, do you? (we have a 50” 3D LED, and two 40” TVs on our living room wall) Ok I promise I will cut back on NFL as of February 7, 2010. And I have been doing better about watching less baseball. We’ll see if I can keep that up beginning April 1, 2011 at 1:10 PM pacific standard time when the Dodgers host the Giants on the opening day of the 2011 baseball season. And I am pretty certain I can cut back on college football as of January 11, 2011. March Madness...who needs that? The Lakers going for a three-peat? not interested. I would like to close by saying that I am currently watching the Manchester United and Birmingham soccer match (they tied 1-1).
#2 Not to drink as much
This seams to be a reoccurring New Year’s resolution every year once I wake up on January 1st. The annual hangover is hard to beat. This resolution is relatively easy until the NCAA national football championship. So this year’s resolution might last for ten days. Did I mention we have three televisions in our living room. And I am sure they will all undoubtedly be tuned into the same football game. Why watch one TV when you can watch three TVs. This also means you drink three times as much right?
#1 To be less sarcastic
I am often told that my humor is very sarcastic. So I will work diligently to minimize the use of sarcasm when dealing with the increasing number of dumb asses in our society. The “here’s your sign” moments tend to increase with every passing day, and a moment I rarely pass up (if you are unaware of “here’s your sign” click here or google it). This resolution usually lasts until I step outside my front door.
Till Next Tuesday...
