Top 5 Movies You would Want to Show your Kids
Same formula as always...
List A:
5. Animal House
A classic comedy that has already proven it’s ability to withstand the test of time.
Score: 7
4. Hoosiers
The greatest sports movie of all time. It will continue to hold up over time, but will continue to get progressively harder to relate to.
Score: 7.5
3. Toy Story
I really like this choice. Watching it as a child there is nothing you wouldn’t like about this movie but what makes it a great selection is watching it again as an adult and realizing that there is so much that went over your head as a kid.
Score: 9
2. The Dark Knight
I love The Dark Knight. It is possibly my favorite movie of the last few years. However, this selection fails. Bear with me as I list these superhero movies starting in 1978 and going through 1998: Superman(s) I-IV, Batman, Swamp Thing, Supergirl, The Toxic Avenger, The Punisher, Dick Tracy, The Rocketeer, Batman Returns, The Shadow, Batman Forever, The Phantom, Batman and Robin, Spawn, Blade. I have seen 13 of these movies and NONE of them stand the test of time. Sure I like Tim Burton’s Batman but would you really rather watch it than any of Christopher Nolan’s takes on the franchise? My point is that super hero movies are all about being updated for a new generation of fans. A new Spiderman series is ALREADY in the works. The Dark Knight is the 4th generation of Batman movies. Each generation has their own versions of the same stories and that isn’t going to change. Your kid wont think it is as cool as you do.
Score: 4.5
1. Saving Private Ryan
A great movie. A great war movie.
Score: 9.5
List B:
5. Remember The Titans
This movie is perfect for teenage athletes. Adversity, inspiration, humor, and it keeps sport in perspective.
Score: 7.5
4. The Matrix
I love this movie but once again don’t feel it belongs. Two years ago a 12 year old kid told me he had no idea what The Matrix was. A 15 year old overheard our conversation and stated that he had seen the Matrix and it was “super gay”. Needless to say my coworker and I were both devastated that our Matrix reference simultaneously dated ourselves and allowed a 15 year old to make fun of us. I can only imagine what someone born today will think of The Matrix when they are a teenager.
Score: 5.5
3. Avatar
This is the worst selection. An unoriginal plot that has already been beaten to death. The visual experience will presumably mean nothing to a future kid as technology continues to improve. I enjoyed the movie but if you discount the technology, it isn’t in the top 1000 movies ever made.
Score: 2
2. Star Wars Episode IV: A New Hope
In my opinion, the original Star Wars trilogy will always be better than any of the “new” movies. It has everything and because special effects were so limited, the story and development of characters had to be good or it wouldn’t have worked (Jar Jar Binks anyone?). Though it loses some appeal (to a new generation) because of the lack of special effects, outer space never goes out of style.
Score: 9.5
1. The Wizard of Oz
What? With all due respect to how important of a movie The Wizard of Oz was, it is boring. While your adult child may be able to appreciate it, they are much more likely to have trouble connecting to such an old movie because the technology gap has widened exponentially from when we were kids to now. This movie will only be enjoyed if your kid finds the evolution of cinema to be fascinating.
Score: 8
List C:
5. The Gatekeeper
I admit I have never heard of this movie. I wish that were still true. A retarded sounding plot and a lack of accomplished actors do little to quell my fears of how awful this movie probably is. Also, seeing as it was made in 2002 there is no “classic” angle to take.
Score: .5
4. Field of Dreams
Also a retarded plot but it is saved by great acting and its unique brand of sports movie charm. Easily one of the most overrated movies of all time in my opinion.
Score: 6
3. Old School
I love this movie. It is hysterical and responsible for starting a new wave of comedy movies.
7.5
2. Shawshank
Great choice. Nuff said.
Score: 9.5
1. Rudy
Yet another horribly overrated sports movie. Made all the worse by the fact that it takes so many liberties with the true story. I really don’t get this entire list.
Score: 6
List D:
5. Avatar
Score: 2
4. Hoosiers
Score: 7.5
3. Dumb and Dumber
An enjoyable movie that has no business being on this list.
Score: 1.5
2. Rudy
Score: 6
1. Braveheart
A good movie. Epic. Badass.
Score: 7.5
Final Scores:
1. List A 114.5
2. List B 103
3. List C 102.5
4. List D 83
Top 5 Sporting Venues A Sports Fan Should See Before He Dies
As always responses will be weighted in accordance with their ranking and fractional points are allowed. This week will be judged on a scale of 0-10.
As always we begin with list A:
5. Camden Yards
The utter lack of history (Iron Man streak aside) and recent blocking of the Baltimore skyline has plummeted the stadium experience in my eyes. I find it telling that attendance is roughly half of capacity. The best venues in the world don’t struggle to fill seats.
Score: 2
4. Pipeline
Though pipeline is naturally beautiful and does have it’s fair share of history, the lack of accessibility due to the fierce territoriality of the locals holds it back. That and the fact that I am not interested in watching people die.
Score: 4.5
3. Estadio Azteca
Home to some of soccer’s greatest all-time moments such as the “Hand of God” and the “Goal of the Century”. The only stadium to host two world cup finals. Arguably, it is the most intimidating stadium in the world for opposing teams to visit, with a capacity of 105,000 and one of the loudest fan bases in the world.
Score: 9
2. St. Andrews
The place where golf was invented 600 years ago. Mecca for golfers everywhere. The old course is STILL the most challenging course in the world. Gorgeous and surrounded by history.
Score: 9.5
1. Lambeau Field
Ranked by both ESPN and SI at #1 for gameday experience within the last 5 years. A place that MUST be visited to truly understand it’s greatness. Having not been there my self I have to side with everything I read...
Score: 10
List B:
5. Wembley Stadium
Score: 9
4. Notre Dame Football Stadium
Score: 10
3. Fenway Park
The oldest stadium still in use in American professional sport is also the best baseball experience in the world. Even if you hate boston accents it is worth putting up with for one game.
Score: 10
2. Madison Square Garden
See list B
Score: 10
1. Soldier Field
Soldier field has been rebuilt and the results are widely negative. It was delisted as a National Historic Landmark. Not that impressive in any area. Given a choice of NFL stadiums to visit it wouldn’t make my top 10. Also, SI ranked it the 17 “best” stadium in the NFL and it failed to break into the top 10 in any category.
Score: 2
List C:
5. Augusta National
Score: 8
4. Churchill Downs
I am doing my best to ignore my personal belief that horse racing is boring as hell. Rich in history and tradition. Not much in the beauty department, which is a shame since you spend most of your day watching nothing at all. By no means am I saying it’s ugly, just not that interesting.
Score: 8
3. Wembley Stadium
See list B.
Score: 9
2. MLB Hall of Fame
My idea of a great sporting venue does not include being inside. It also does not include people being in a quiet environment or having to walk around. Calling the Hall of Fame a sports venue is suspect at best as according to wikipedia (I’m aware it’s not a real credible source...I just don’t have time) a sport venue is “ an arena, a stadium or similar building in which a sporting competition is held”. I definitely respect the history but I just don’t buy the idea of the hall as a sports venue. Also, no beer or food.
Score: 2
1. Madison Square Garden
See list B
Score: 10
List D:
5. Wimbledon - Centre Court
Score: 7.5
4. Augusta National
See list C
Score: 8
3. Fenway Park
See list B
Score: 10
2. St. Andrews
See list A
Score: 9.5
1. Assembly Hall (Indiana)
A top 5 college basketball venue at worst. Terrible architecture and sight lines. Rowdy fan base.
Score: 8.5
Final Scores
1. 134 List D
2. 126 List A
3. 109 Tie C and B
TOP FIVE MYTHICAL CREATURES
Tonight we have 3 very special guest judges making up our Ultimate Panel. Please welcome Sir Charles Barkley, Justin Bieber, and Snooki. Each of our judges is allowed to award between zero and five points per response. As always responses will be weighted in accordance with their ranking and fractional points are allowed.
As always we begin with list A:
5. Eros
Barkley: 3 -- Bieber: 5 -- Snooki: 3
Bieber: “Usher taught me how to use my hair as a sexual weapon, he’s a modern day Eros”
4. The Sandman
Barkley: 0 -- Bieber: 4 -- Snooki: 0
Barkley: “I don’t want some fruitcake sprinkling magic sand in my eyes. How is that supposed to help me sleep? Just like Lebron doing ‘The Decision’, turrible.”
3. Tooth Fairy
Barkley: 1.5 -- Bieber: 5 -- Snooki: 2
Bieber: “I can’t wait til the tooth fairy visits me again! I lost my first tooth a month ago and I woke up with a Maserati under my pillow!”
2. Leprechaun
Barkley: 4 -- Bieber: 3.5 -- Snooki: .5
Snooki: “Leprechauns are like so gross. They look like little bearded children. Yuck, they are so pale! I mean have they never heard of GTL?”
1. Santa Claus
Barkley: 5 -- Bieber: 5 -- Snooki: 5
Snooki: “Last Christmas I went to the mall and ended up hooking up with this guy dressed like Santa. We did it in the Build-A-Bear Workshop. I thought he was some old dude cuz of the beard but he was actually this super-hot guido juicehead.”
Final Score: 151.5
List B:
5. Dragons
Barkley: 4 -- Bieber: 4 -- Snooki: 3
Barkley: “I really like that Dragon kid who plays for the Suns. He’s got a bright future in this league if he keeps his head on straight.”
4. Pegasus
Barkley: 3 -- Bieber: 4.5 -- Snooki: 2
Bieber: “Usher always tells me anyone can be a star but that to be a truly successful artist you must become a constellation.”
3. Werewolves
Barkley: 3 -- Bieber: 0 -- Snooki: 4
Bieber: “Team Edward for life!”
2. Zombies
Barkley: 4 -- Bieber: 2 -- Snooki: 2
Snooki: “Zombies remind me of that pasty b**** Angelina. Like seriously, get a tan you whore!”
1. Genies
Barkley: 4.5 -- Bieber: 4 -- Snooki: 5
Barkley: “I wish for some ribs, a cheeseburger, 2 deep-fried Snickers bars, a big plate of jambalaya, clam chowder in a hawaiian bread bowl, fish tacos, chili-cheese fries, a big bowl of rocky road, 9 egg rolls, 3 pumpkin pies, a 30 oz steak, a glass of melted butter, a meatball sub, 2 sides of bacon, 12 KFC Double Down Sandwiches, a thermos filled with bacon grease and sour cream, 1 personal pan pizza from Round Table, 10 gallons of Jolt, 35 cans of Four Loko, 3 White Mystery Airheads, a 5 lb tub of Redvines, a bust of my head made entirely of roquefort cheese, 4 Taco Bell Grande Meals, and a bag of those Valentine’s Day candy hearts with no yellow “Be Mine” hearts in it.”
Final Score: 150.5
List C:
5. Mermaids
Barkley: 4 -- Bieber: 3 -- Snooki: 4
Barkley: “I don’t usually dig on fish but mermaids are some fine ass creatures”
4. La Llorona
Barkley: 2 -- Bieber: 0 -- Snooki: .5
Bieber: “(sobbing) Mommy why? Mommy?...Mommy?”
3. The Sandman
Barkley: 0 -- Bieber: 4 -- Snooki: 0
Snooki: “Boo Sandman! I party all night long. Sleep is for pussies”
2. Bigfoot
Barkley: 2 -- Bieber: 5 -- Snooki: 3.5
Bieber: “Everyone in Canada believes in Bigfoot.”
1. The Chupacabra
Barkley: 2 -- Bieber: 2 -- Snooki: 5
Snooki: “They are so hot...they look just like me!”
Final Score: 115
List D:
5. The Phoenix
Barkley: 4 -- Bieber: 4 -- Snooki: 2
Bieber: “Usher told me that when his career is over I will be reborn anew from his ashes”
4. Peyton Manning’s Wife
Barkley: 5 -- Bieber: 5 -- Snooki: 2.5
Barkley: “That woman is the world’s greatest mystery. Is she real? Nobody knows, I’m not even sure Peyton knows what she looks like”
3. The Mermaid
Barkley: 4 -- Bieber: 3 -- Snooki: 4
Snooki: “I would totally make out with a mermaid if it asked me to.”
2. The Kraken
Barkley: 2 -- Bieber: 4.5 -- Snooki: 1
Bieber: (singing)“I’m overboard and I need your love, pull me up I can’t swim on my own, it’s too much. Feels like I’m drowning without your love. So Kraken please from the depths come up.”
1. The Minotaur
Barkley: 4 -- Bieber: 3 -- Snooki: 5
Barkley: “I want this guy on my team. He is the type of punishing rebounder that reminds me of myself and he’s going to be in this league for a long long time.”
Final Score: 158
Weekly Standings:
1. List D
2. List A
3. List B
4. List C
