The Ultimate Panel for "Movies I am ashamed to like"

Sorry for the bad formatting...

To determine the winner I have developed what is assuredly not a good point system.  Each film will be awarded a score on a scale of 1-25, the higher the number the better the score.  Up to 10 points (1 being not embarrassing and 10 being the ultimate embarrassment) will be awarded for how embarrassing it would be to admit that you loved this movie to the “Ultimate Panel” (henceforth refered to as UP) consisting of James Bond, Tony Montana, and Jules Winnfield.  Up to 10 points will be awarded based on how much I personally enjoy the film and whatever else I feel like judging it on at the time.  The more I enjoy the film the lower the score will be.  The remaining 5 points will be awarded based on critical reception of the film.  This will be determined by IMDB awards listings as well as Rotten Tomatoes.  With 5 being a critical disaster and 1 being above average.  In addition, after each movie is scored I will multiply that score by its ranking 1-5 with the #1 movie being multiplied by 5, #2 by 4, etc.  After the scores are listed I will provide a brief explanation of my reasoning as well as my guess as to who the list belongs to.  Now to the scores.

List A:  

5. Miss March: UP score: 2,  My score: 4, Critic score: 5, Total=11

1. Road House: UP score: 3, My Score: 2, Critic score: 3, Total=16

3. Heavyweights: UP score: 8, My score: 1, Critic Score: 3, Total=36

2. She’s The Man: UP score: 9 My score: 6, Critic Score: 3, Total=72

1. A Walk To Remember: UP score: 10, My score: 9, Critic Score=4, Total=115

Final Score: 250

Miss March has nudity and drugs making it a big hit with the UP.  My score went higher based on how crappy it is.  Tomatometer=5% plus 1 Razzie nomination.

Road House is violent and not much else, the UP enjoys violence.  I love Road House.  Tomatometer=44% plus 5 Razzie nominations.

Heavyweights is PG and about kids the UP is highly embarrassed for you.  My score is low because no one should be embarrassed about liking a Disney movie that came out when they were a child, especially when said movie is awesome.  Tomatometer=20%

She’s The Man has nothing badass in it and the main girl spends all her time trying NOT to be attractive.  As a result, the UP would love to kick your ass.  I actually really enjoy this movie but I had to give it a higher score because of the embarrassment I feel for enjoying it. Tomatometer=44% Won a kids choice award(increasing embarrassment)

A Walk To Remember is a PG drama, nuff said.  Tomatometer=28%  Multiple awards voted on by children that are stupid and increase embarrassment.

My Guess: Pain Train

List B:

5. Selena: UP score: 6, My score: 3, Critic score: 1, Total=10

4. Monster In Law: UP score: 7, My score: 7, Critic score: 5, Total=38

3. Sister Act: UP score: 4, My score: 1, Critic score: 1, Total=18

2. 27 Dresses: UP score: 10, My score: 8, Critic score: 4, Total=88

1. Definitely Maybe: UP score: 6, My score: 5, Critic score: 2, Total=65

Final score: 219

Selena is a PG movie about a female pop star, UP is mildly embarrassed.  Any movie that is at least somewhat critically acclaimed can’t be that embarrassing to like.  Tomatometer=63% Grammy and Golden Globe nominations take your critic score to 1.

Monster In Law is considered terrible by the UP but all three members are attracted to J-Lo.  I haven’t seen it so I can’t go higher than 7, but seriously, Monster In Law??  Tomatometer=16% Multiple Teen Choice and Razzie nominations including “Best Hissy Fit” and “Worst Actress of the Decade”

The UP: “Sister Act is hilarious and awesome!” Bond and Montana may have been afraid of offending Jules by saying otherwise.  I love this movie.  Tomatometer=67% Tons of positive nominations and a few smaller wins.

27 Dresses has zero redeeming qualities in the eyes of the UP.  I hated this movie and find it despicable that someone could enjoy it.  Though I do love the Benny and The Jets  karaoke scene so I bumped it down 2 points.  Tomatometer=40%  Winner of the Teen Choice best chick flick award.

James Bond would sleep with any of the three incredibly attractive women in this film.  Unfortunately they are the only redeeming qualities of this film in the eyes of the UP.  Also, the UP does not find Ryan Reynolds to be charming.  I kinda like this movie and the women are hot, but really dislike Abigail Breslin.  Tomatometer=71%

My guess:  T-Jack Spectacular

List C:

5. The Notebook: UP score: 9, My score: 6, Critic score: 2, Total=17

4. Summercatch: UP score: 8, My score: 8, Critic score: 4, Total=40

3. Mean Girls: UP score: 6, My score: 2, Critic score: 2, Total=33

2. Swing Vote: UP score: 7, My score: 9, Critic score: 3, Total=76 

1. Serendipity: UP score: 9, My score: 3, Critic score: 2, Total=70

Final score=236

The notebook is awful in the eyes of the UP, however Rachel McAdams is “supa fly” garnering a 1 pt reduction.  I like this movie and its pretty decent. Tomatometer=52% A lot of nominations and wins.

Summercatch.  A poor guy banging a hot rich chick resonates with the UP, fortunately the mere presence of Freddie Prinze Jr. ups the embarrassment factor.  I don’t buy Freddie as a ballplayer.  Terrible title.  Dvd cover alone is highly embarrassing. Tomatometer=7% No awards.

Mean Girls has a ton of “Fine ass Jail Bait” according to Jules.  I think this movie is hilarious and I love the casting of hot women and a ton of people from SNL+the janitor from Scrubs.  Tomatometer=83% 13 Teen Choice Award nominations.

Swing Vote has a stupid plot but the UP has to give it up for Kevin Costner for Waterworld, Tin Cup, Field of Dreams, and 3000 Miles to Graceland.  I say it has a stupid plot and no appeal to anyone with a brain despite my having not watched more than the opening 5 minutes.  There is no scenario in which the presidential election would come down to one vote that hadn’t yet been cast.  Tomatometer=37%

Serendipity.  UP says: “So lame”.  I own this movie.  I like the cast and twice I have gotten laid after watching this movie. It has mystical powers.  Jeremy Piven is cool. Tomatometer=58% A few small nominations.

List D:

5. Definitely Maybe: UP score: 6, My score: 5, Critic score: 2, Total=13

4. Notting Hill: UP score: 7, My score: 1, Critic score: 1, Total=18

3. Miss Congeniality: UP score: 8, My score: 5, Critic score: 2, Total=45

2. P.S. I love You:  UP score: 8, My score: 8, Critic score: 5, Total=84

1. A Walk To Remember: Up score: 10, My score: 9, Critic score: 4, Total=115

Final score= 275

Definitely Maybe: See list B

Notting Hill is boring but the UP love Spike.  I think this is about as good as a romantic comedy can be.  I also find Spike to be hilarious.  Tomatometer=82% Tons of awards and 3 Golden Globe nominations.

Miss Congeniality is definitely embarrassing but at least she carries a gun--the UP.  Sandra Bullock is pretty funny in this movie and Michael Caine is always “the man”.  Tomatometer=41%  3 Golden Globe nominations.

P.S. I Love You is the is the worst movie in the eyes of the UP but is docked 2 points for having Gerard Butler who is now a badass in every movie.  I feel much the same.  If I had seen this film I am sure it would be a 10, since everything I read about is is terrible.  Tomatometer=23% 1 Teen Choice nomination and one Irish Film and Television award for Hilary Swank.

P.S. Hilary Swank looks like a man

A Walk to Remember: See List A

FINAL STANDINGS

1. List D 275 pts

2. List A 250 pts

3. List C 236 pts

4. List B 219 pts

List D is kind of the winner I guess.